Gaslighting
Gaslighting is not forgetfulness and it is not a disagreement. It is a sustained pattern of denying what you saw, felt, or said, to the point where you begin to question your own mind.
I work with adults who have experienced gaslighting inside relationships, families, workplaces, or institutions. Therapy is online, via Google Meet, weekly. My focus is on helping you name the pattern, rebuild trust in your own perception, and understand what has happened to your sense of self.
What gaslighting is
The term comes from the 1938 play Gas Light, in which a husband convinces his wife she is losing her grip on reality by manipulating her environment and then denying that anything has changed.
In therapy, I see gaslighting as a pattern, not a single act. Patterns include repeated denial of things you saw or heard, rewriting of shared history, suggesting you are too sensitive or too much, blaming you for the other person's behaviour, and gradually shrinking your confidence in your own mind.
Gaslighting can happen alongside coercive control, in workplace dynamics, within family systems, and in institutional settings. It often leaves people more exhausted, more isolated, and more unsure of themselves over time.
The aftermath
When you have been gaslit, even after the situation has ended, the effects can linger. A common pattern is second guessing yourself in small decisions, struggling to trust your own reading of other people, over-apologising, and feeling pulled towards relationships where the same dynamic repeats.
Therapy is not about rewinding. It is about building a different relationship with your own perception, your own feelings, and your own authority.
Crisis and Emergency Support
If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services by calling 999.
- Samaritans: 116 123
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
- Crisis and Emergency Guidance
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I have been gaslit?
There is rarely a clean yes or no. If you find yourself repeatedly doubting your own memory, apologising for things you are not sure you did, or feeling crazy inside a relationship that looks fine from the outside, it is worth speaking to someone. Therapy can help you look carefully at the pattern rather than individual moments.
Is gaslighting always intentional?
Not always. Some people repeat patterns they learnt in their own early relationships. What matters in therapy is not the other person's intent, it is the effect on you.
Can I do this work while still in the relationship?
Yes. Many clients begin therapy while they are still working out whether and how to leave, or whether the relationship can change. Therapy is a space to think clearly, not a script for action.
Is gaslighting the same as DARVO?
They often appear together. DARVO is a specific pattern where someone who has caused harm denies, attacks, and reverses the roles of victim and offender. Gaslighting is broader, focused on distorting what you believe to be true.
Thinking about therapy for gaslighting?
A free 15 minute introductory call is the best way to start.